INTO THE CIRCLE

My mentor and friend Reb Leib Groner caught up with me recently at his granddaughter’s wedding. Broad smile across his face, he nonetheless chided me, “I haven’t seen much of your writing lately.”

So, I countered with a wisenheimer retort. “Maybe you haven’t been looking in the right places.”

Besting me with his quick wit and an advantage of at least 50 I.Q. points, he shot back, “Maybe that’s because you haven’t been writing about the right things!”

You might not know who Reb Leib Groner is. For forty years, he was the private secretary, personal aide and intimate confidant of the Grand Rabbi of Lubavitch (“Lubavitcher Rebbe”), spiritual leader of the world’s most influential Chasidic community and Jewish outreach program. To know of Reb Leib’s worldly wisdom is to realize that he must speed-read the New York Times, Wall Street Journal and 17 other periodicals each day, in addition to his daily devotion to intense prayer, communal needs, and the study of Torah, mysticism and Chasidic philosophy.

I came to know Reb Leib through his son, Yossi, the Lubavitch emissary to the Carolinas, a man (nearly) as gifted as his father and mother. He is my Jewish exemplar, teacher, confessor, and one of a scant handful of compassionate people who stood by me and validated my humanity during the hardest times in my life.

I have spent numerous Sabbaths and Holy Days enjoying the hospitality of Rabbi Yossi and his brilliant, quick-witted wife, Rebbetzin Mariashi. I have watched intently as their ten children have grown to adolescence and adulthood, and prayerfully as their son, please God, surmounted a nearly devastating leukemia and bone marrow transplant.

I have spent relatively little personal time with Reb Leib. I catch myself as I write these words, because on the clock the time has been relatively meager, but all the encounters have been intensely personal: two Sabbaths in his home, a moment’s greeting at two weddings and a bar mitzvah, and that is about it.

Reb Leib is also one of that handful that gave me validation during hard times. Do not think for a moment, however, that the validation was all warm fuzzies. He is an expert practitioner of tough love. With insight and consultation with the Rebbe – which in itself touched me for the magnitude of his concern – he chided and cajoled me to take challenging steps that became the turning point for my personal and professional restoration.

My veneration for Reb Leib and his son has an additional dimension. They are intensely orthodox Jews, black hats, caftans, untrimmed beards, all the accoutrements. I, on the other hand, am fallen-away orthodox, still greatly respectful of its pious way of life and still closely aligned with its theology, but no longer strictly observant of all of its nuances and demands. Father and son are well aware of that. Yet, their warmth is genuine, their acceptance is unjudgmental and unconditional, their welcome is enthusiastic, never a proselytizing word toward their way of life, just to be an honorable person and to conduct my dealings with integrity.

These emotions rushed forth fresh and new just a day ago at Rabbi Yossi’s daughter’s wedding. I pop my head into the pre-ceremony reception, and with a flick of Rabbis Groner-junior-and-senior’s hands, I am beckoned to a seat at the head table. An hour later, I am standing on the sidelines watching the exuberant Chasidic dancing, and in a moment, Reb Leib is yanking me by the arm, pulling me into the dizzying circle, tightly gripping my hand as this man twenty years my senior nearly lifts me off my feet in response to the tumultuous music.

The meaning of that yank is unmistakable: “Not words, but passion draws you to our circle. No one is a wallflower when we rejoice.”

As I realize that Reb Leib is tugging at me, not at one of the attending dignitaries or Chasidic rabbis or well-heeled donors, the yank takes on one more meaning: The circle is especially intended for the least among us – the tattered, the torn, the fallen away, the otherwise rejected and dejected. It does not cost a penny, just the hopefulness that rejoicing and exuberance can restore ones soul.

And, I further realize that never once through all my dalliances in the various “liberal” denominations of Judaism have I ever been so eagerly invited into the circle. It then comes to me more clearly than ever that the saintly Rebbe and Reb Leib, Rabbi Yossi, their Rebbetzins, their colleagues and disciples, may well be “orthoprax” – unwaveringly meticulous in their traditional practices – but not by any means “orthodox.” For they are the least narrow, most worldly and unconditionally inclusive in the basic doctrine of their faith: “The circle has room for everyone. Let me pull you into the circle and galvanize the strength you never knew was yours. The music is joyous, and the exuberant dance is itself the gift of life.”

Reb Leib, thank you for giving me life by drawing me into your circle. Your charge has been fulfilled: I know that at least for once I have written about the right thing.