HOW A TORAH SHOUT-OUT MIGHT HAVE PROTECTED WALL STREET FROM ITSELF

In my meanderings through the synagogue world, I am always amused by the only instance in which shouting out during the Sabbath service has become a ritual, if not a well-cultivated art form. For the uninitiated, the focal point of the service is the ceremonial reading from a portion of the Torah inscribed in Hebrew on a parchment scroll. Chanting from the scroll is no small feat even for a Hebrew literate; the words appear with neither vowels nor musical notes. The reading requires the uncanny ability to memorize the vocalization and notation of about 120 verses of the weekly text. Think of “In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida” . . . sans vowels and notes.

But a few wisenheimers in the pews always seem to know better. If, for example, the hapless reader should mistake the letter “resh (R)” for a “dalet (D)” – Hebrew lookalikes – the know-it-alls instantly shout out the correction. Lest the mistake go unnoticed, their tone is smug, belligerent and put-upon, perhaps even a little arrogant.

They say that every Jewish custom has a righteous origin, even if it has come to be abused by ensuing generations. “How, then, rabbi, can there merit to the Torah shout-out?”

“Even this,” the rabbis answered: Its origin was in the fear that even the simplest mistake might be incorporated into the text by erroneous usage and change its meaning, unless it was corrected instantly. Belligerence and arrogance obviously came later.

Legitimate or not? For the pious, for whom the Holy Writ is the inerrant word of God, every letter is sacred and must be prized beyond diamonds. Playing fast-and-loose with the words might result in sacrilege, desecration, or worst, in altering some sacred principle of The Law.

I confess that that indecorous little custom has always left me a tad ambivalent. Ambivalent, yes, until a week ago when that a serf Wall Street might have hit the "b" key, as in "billion," instead of the more temperate "m," just one key away. Ask your second grader the difference. The market began its freefall, the Dow plummeted a thousand points, and sell-orders went wild. From a single glitch, the fatalists had their day - or at least their 20 minutes – on Wall Street.

Yes, the error was righted in a matter of minutes. But just think: What if a couple of cranky old traders had instantly shouted out, “It’s ‘M’, you idiot, like in ’million’!” like they do in those arcane little synagogues? You know what would have happened: The miscreant would have hit the backspace and righted the $14,985,000,000-error quicker than I could change "Madam" to "Adam" in my Torah reading.

How many other disasters could be averted if we dispatched a few crabby nitpickers to undo minor mistakes that could lead to tremendous disaster?

• “No, it says 'abort' the warhead, not 'deploy' it!"

• “No, it's righty-tighty, lefty-loosy, when you turn the dials on the oil well’s control panel!"

• “Ben, hit ‘L’ and get out of the elevator; don’t follow Mrs. Robinson up to her hotel room!”

Sure, there's a grey line where conscience, free will, and personal accountability must kick in, or we’d be far the worse for it. But, dare we dream that all our mistakes could be waylaid by a crabby voice thundering, “’M’ not ‘B’!!

So you see, I have come to appreciate the transcendent meaning of those funky shout-outs. Yes, they come from bellicose old men, but those curmudgeons are the very ones who really still believe that the Holy Writ is the inerrant word of God. Wall Street may play with its billions, but the curmudgeons are the guardians of eternity. Let there be no mistaking: They preserve and protect it. Most of us simply dabble at buying-and-selling it.

N.B. If you'd like to be part of a Torah Shout-Out, call me, and some Sabbath I'll take you on a field trip. Of two things you may be sure: At some point, the reader will make a teeny mistake. And, quicker than I can mispronounce “Zelophehad,” some belligerent voice will shout out its correction. It might not build or destroy your faith forever, but it would still make a helluva term paper for your Comparative Religions class.