A SPOT OF AMYLASE IN THAT HUMMUS?

Hummus is an elementary food: ground chickpeas, olive oil, garlic, pepper. It becomes a yellowish blob to be scooped up with pita. You either love it or detest its very sight.

I love hummus. Its popularity is no longer reserved for Israelis and sympathizers; it has proliferated among gentiles, too. I have even eaten it at an Irish pub.

One may purchase hummus at nearly every supermarket. The problem: Commercially-prepared hummus is so pumped with preservatives that the aficionado gags at the toxic dump it has become.

Those who really care seek out hummus that is prepared fresh daily. In my village of Greenville, it is available only at a small grocery owned by Palestinians. The proprietors treat me kindly, calling out “Raaaaaabbi!” and speaking Hebrew with me.

Recently, all that changed. I entered, and they shouted among themselves in Arabic. I looked down and realized the provocation. I had thoughtlessly chosen a tee-shirt emblazoned in Hebrew with “Hebron, Now and Forever!” This is the equivalent of a Palestinian wearing “Li-Shanah Ha-Ba’ah B’rushayim!” to Simchas Torah.

Nonetheless, I ordered my pound of hummus. Without a word, the proprietor announced that he was getting “special” hummus for me. He went to the back, and I stood on my tiptoes to peek into the kitchen, where the “special” hummus was being prepared. There was a lot of chatter in Arabic and tremendous laughter as the proprietor spat in my hummus and neatly replaced the lid. He presented it to me with great flourish.

Are Jews shrewd, or what? I told him, “On second thought, I’d like a half-pound instead of a pound.” With that, I took a fresh carton from the shelf, replaced it with the pound container, mixed it with the other tubs three or four times, so that no one could tell the “special” hummus from the others. I timidly paid my bill as they cursed at me in Arabic.

Sadly, my quandary had been resolved. I now purchase my hummus from the supermarket. I meticulously read the contents for various preservatives, knowing that I am pumping myself with carcinogens. I am extremely wary, though, if one of the additives is amylase. I think I’ll leave the basic enzyme of saliva for some other unsuspecting customer.