EIGHT IS FOR . . . ?

The perennial “fifth question” at the Pesach Seder is how to keep the kids entertained. Steal the afikomon? Fine. It provides a moment’s distraction and rarely pays off with a new Mercedes.

What about promising them hotdogs for dinner? Fine. But where are the buns?

The truth: If there is success in keeping the kids entertained, it varies from family to family. My straight-laced father provided our solution upon the arrival of his first granddaughter. It has worked ever since.

He built anticipation for the end of the Seder when we would sing the traditional Chad Gadya and Echad Mi Yode’a. For Chad Gadya, he would let out with the most raucous sound effects: The two “zuzim” (coins) would loudly ring “cling, cling!” into a make-believe platter. The kid would bray “meeeeeh!” The cat, “meeeeeow!” The water would “splooosh!” and so on.

By the time we arrived at the Malach Ha-Moves, everyone’s face would stream with tears, jeering “Booooooo!” Then, as God avenged the evil Angel of Death, we would cheer “Huuuuurrah!" to welcome the conquering hero. Even the Mayor and Archbishop, who once joined us for our Seder, lustily shared the giddy festivities.

Echad Mi Yode’a posed a different issue, for it does not lend itself to silly noises. Ah, but it does lend itself to equally silly hand motions. One God is simple: We motion toward heaven and earth. The Patriarchs call for pointing to the men at the table. Likewise the Matriarchs. For seven, we pretend to fall asleep as on Shabbat. Nine calls for us – male and female – to stick out our bellies anticipating childbirth.

Now, have you figured out the dilemma? The number eight has only one slightly lewd Jewish significance. My ingenious father devised an acceptable way to commemorate the bris without any male pulling down his pants at the Seder table.

Rather than me telling you his solution, why don’t you submit your hypotheses to me, MarcWilson1216@aol.com? All correct answers will receive an autographed picture of me from the neck up, lest I be tempted to provide you a more graphic depiction!