YIDDISH CHOP SUEY

Adapting to the new culture was not particularly difficult for the first American generation of my family. Aunts, uncles and cousins facilely became physicians, professors and attorneys. My father was the director of a crime laboratory and an army colonel.

It was not so simple for their immigrant parents. They took lessons in English, but it all came out sounding like Yiddish. They Americanized cherished Old World melodies, struggled to dance to them and called it “Yiddish Swing,” like trying to paint a moustache on the Mona Lisa.

We begged our bubbehs to make us their soothing foods – chicken soup, matzo balls, brisket, kugel, gefilte fish. What could be more comforting than a Shabbos dinner commencing with chopped liver and concluding with fruit compote?

But the immigrant generation still hungered for the culinary mainstream. My grandmother led the way:

Having never been inside a Chinese restaurant, she nonetheless insisted on serving what she imagined was “chop suey.” This delicacy was comprised of canned mushrooms and chunks of brisket simmered in soy sauce and chicken soup. It was then served over toasted rye rolls, as though we were celebrating Chiang Kai Chek’s bris.

In an attempt at multi-ethnicity, she also tried her hand at Italian cookery. Once a week she presented us with her concept of spaghetti – boiled noodles melded with cream of tomato soup and bland cheddar cheese, then baked in a casserole. It was scooped out as though it were a kugel and served as a side dish to that American-Jewish mainstay, tuna salad.

At the tender age of eight, my parents took me to a “real” Italian restaurant. I spied spaghetti on the menu but refused to eat it because of its aberrant look – not pinkish-orange and served in a chunk.

May I predict that one day I will succeed in renaming my bubbeh’s spaghetti tagliatelle con minestra di crema del pomodoro ed il formaggio and doll it up with a sprig of oregano? Gourmands will lick their plates and adulate me as though I were a disciple of Brillat-Savarin. Now, essen Sie gut mit un buon Appetito!